Man is walking towards up to me on the beach. I look away, in every direction but where he is hoping he will move on.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I ignore.

“Do you speak Spanish?”

I shake my head. No.

“Can I tell you about an island that has incredible snorkling?”

“No. I don’t want to hear about it.”

Man sits down. “It’s an island blah blah blah…”

I interupt. “I want to sit her alone and rest.”

Man continues talking.

I interupt again. “I WANT. to sit here. ALONE.”

“You want to sit here alone?”

“YES.”

Silence.

“Ok. Chao.” Still sitting there. Still hasn’t accepted that I want him to go away.

“CHAO,” I reply quickly.

Man finally leaves.

I am going insane. I actually told some tonight to “get the fuck away.” Exact words.

Posted: February 27th, 2010 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

Again, it’s a been a while. Since I’ve last been here me and my kingdom have expanded to Downtown Browntown- where the chicos ricos abound.

Seriously, they are digging the flava’ of the Queen down here. It’s almost overwelming at times. Thinking about wearing a sign on my head that says “I KNOW I’M HOT, PLEASE STOP STARRING.” But I suppose that would just draw more attention to myself.

Anywho, with this target rich environment comes plenty of fodder for this here blog. Stay tuned.

Posted: October 2nd, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

April 14th. The span of time between now and then is indicative in itself of the Sahara-like quality of my “love life” right now and if you’re short on time, feel free to stop reading here. You’ve got it all already.

But if you’re still here, than I have one little tidbit for you from the last few months. I got a very sweet and romantic text message proposal the other day. But before I tell you about that, let me tell you about the other three marriage proposals I have received in the last 30 years. The first two involved offered an exchange of goats and various other livestock. Being as I was under the legal marriage age and didn’t speak French, my “associates” turned down those offers and wisked me away to safer territory. The third promise was given with promises of “big house! I give you big house!” My first inclination at this was to laugh and I did and than walked away dragging my less experienced friend with me with her chin hitting the floor.

Well this one came with no grandiose promises BUT because of my supreme negotiating skills, I was able to trade my legal status in this country for these terms: small hut on the beach, a foreign passport and a pet monkey. Oh yeah, and I’m sure I could work out lots of sex too.

Despite those terms, the romantic in me, that near dormant dusty corner of my heart, isn’t quite satisfied. Is it too much to ask that someone love me BEFORE they ask me to marry them? Is it too much to ask that the person who I marry returns my phone calls? Or possibly reserves important questions such as that for perhaps even a phone call if not in person? Now THAT WOULD BE SHOCKING.

Posted: July 9th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

http://jezebel.com/5200823/man-penetrates-fruit-to-explain-christian-copulation

any takers?

Posted: April 14th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

is now on twitter.

http://www.twitter.com/queenoftheFZ

Posted: April 8th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

So I’ve been testing out a new dating theory. I seem to have a trend of picking the wrong guy all the time. So i thought to try and find the guy that is least attractive to me and go out with him.

The other night I met a guy at a party, he seemed nice enough and was respectable. Had moderate religious background. I didn’t find him very attractive but what the hell, we’ll test out the theory.

So when he asked me to meet him for drinks, I agreed. Picked a bar near my house but that i didn’t go to very often and told him to meet me there.

Well I soon learned a fatal flaw with this plan. When the unattractive guy turns out to also be an asshole, you don’t even have the consolation prize of him being hot. You’ve got NOTHING.

Here’s a little cut from the date:

“No, you cannot come home with me tonight.”

“What’s that? You think I’m pretty? Well thank you.”

“No, I’m still not sleeping with you tonight.”

Note to all men of the universe: buying a girl a drink does NOT entitle you to anything.

Posted: April 7th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

At first I thought my ever-present angels of virture were out sick that night. Not only did I run into “The Vampire” but he was SINGLE. Recently broke up with a friend of mine….well not that good of a friend because i wasn’t about to let it get in the way.

He was looking hot as ever. I have no idea what it is about that boy that makes me want to drag him into a dark alley. Walking TEMPTATION. We started flirting instantly. Within the first 5 minutes I was thinking perhaps I should slow it down otherwise we might not finish the game in the allotted time.

Moved to the next bar where someone, I have no idea who, possessed my body and forced me to molest him right there at the bar. Something just came over me and  when I realized what happened, i had to look at my hands and wonder who was controlling them because this little church girl certainly would never make such a bold move. I shocked even him which being a vampire and a manwhore, says a lot.

My minions and I went back to his house to continue the game. His advances got more direct, my resolve weakening….and just when I finally assented to “taking it upstairs” COCKBLOCKED from the sidelines. Oh the blissfullness of boys sometimes, completely unaware swept in and pulled me away from sweet temptation.

Those BASTARDS.

Posted: March 26th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

I’m fairly certain I was hit on last night by a husband and wife pair.

I was at a bar late last night. A friend had just left leaving two open seats between myself and a hot Latin guy I know but not well. I was a little annoyed when the couple came in and sat between myself and Senor Caliente as I was hoping to make my move. I turned back to my computer and continued “working”. I noticed the wife making conversation with Senor Caliente and heard the husband join in once or twice. Soon after, he started  up  a conversation with me. Now, I’ve had to deal with my fair share of jealous significant others so I know the signs. I made sure to cast innocent, friendly glances in the direction of the wife, waving the white flag. The husband was the intellectual type, a college professor, so it wasn’t much of a loss anyway. Not hte way I roll. The wife didn’t seem the least bit disturbed; she was much more interested in her conversation with Senor Caliente.

The husband continued to keep the conversation going and it soon became apparent that he was hitting on me, with his wife in the next seat, making no attempts to hide his advances. I wasn’t sure what to make of this and it was getting late so I began to make preparations for my departure, despite his advances and pleas to stay.

Posted: January 19th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Dear Rodrigo,

It seems you were offended by a post containing some personal data. My sincerest apologies. Here at QFZ, we make attempts to keep personal data to a minimum. Clearly an error in editing and I can assure you that the necessary retributions against the responsible party will be carried out.

Nonetheless, let us not lose our heads about it, shall we? The worst thing a human being can do? I can think of far worse crimes: crimes of dismemberment and bodily harm, crimes against innocence, crimes that violate us to the soul of our being. An error in editing is hardly on the scale of such crimes.

As far as your claim of being uncreative, I take this much more seriously. OD and blogging are platforms for people to express themselves in the way they see fit. I support that concept wholeheartedly and am learning to appreciate each person’s unique perspective. I am burdened that my own creative attempt was found lacking by you. I am merely attempting to explore the creative ventures of others, learn from their mistakes and encourage their successes.

I hope you can find it in your heart to accept my apologies. Here at QFZ, we support all the brave souls who put their hearts and egos on the line each time they go out on a blind date or email a PMP. We support you, Rodrigo, and hope that you find the creative soul that aligns perfectly with yours.

Sincerely,
The Queen

Posted: January 14th, 2009 under anarchy.
Comments: none

So, one could argue that Round 2 of OD wasn’t really a valid attempt. It was kind of a waste of money. Due to lack of effort and commitment, i didn’t go on a single date, nor did i even really care to. This brings up my whole “bad attitude” in regard to the whole OD foray. It was doomed to fail. I’m wondering if perhaps I should give it another attempt. I even had a fleeting though of doing eharmony. Good God I must be getting desperate.

Posted: January 12th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none