http://jezebel.com/5200823/man-penetrates-fruit-to-explain-christian-copulation

any takers?

Posted: April 14th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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is now on twitter.

http://www.twitter.com/queenoftheFZ

Posted: April 8th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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So I’ve been testing out a new dating theory. I seem to have a trend of picking the wrong guy all the time. So i thought to try and find the guy that is least attractive to me and go out with him.

The other night I met a guy at a party, he seemed nice enough and was respectable. Had moderate religious background. I didn’t find him very attractive but what the hell, we’ll test out the theory.

So when he asked me to meet him for drinks, I agreed. Picked a bar near my house but that i didn’t go to very often and told him to meet me there.

Well I soon learned a fatal flaw with this plan. When the unattractive guy turns out to also be an asshole, you don’t even have the consolation prize of him being hot. You’ve got NOTHING.

Here’s a little cut from the date:

“No, you cannot come home with me tonight.”

“What’s that? You think I’m pretty? Well thank you.”

“No, I’m still not sleeping with you tonight.”

Note to all men of the universe: buying a girl a drink does NOT entitle you to anything.

Posted: April 7th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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At first I thought my ever-present angels of virture were out sick that night. Not only did I run into “The Vampire” but he was SINGLE. Recently broke up with a friend of mine….well not that good of a friend because i wasn’t about to let it get in the way.

He was looking hot as ever. I have no idea what it is about that boy that makes me want to drag him into a dark alley. Walking TEMPTATION. We started flirting instantly. Within the first 5 minutes I was thinking perhaps I should slow it down otherwise we might not finish the game in the allotted time.

Moved to the next bar where someone, I have no idea who, possessed my body and forced me to molest him right there at the bar. Something just came over me and  when I realized what happened, i had to look at my hands and wonder who was controlling them because this little church girl certainly would never make such a bold move. I shocked even him which being a vampire and a manwhore, says a lot.

My minions and I went back to his house to continue the game. His advances got more direct, my resolve weakening….and just when I finally assented to “taking it upstairs” COCKBLOCKED from the sidelines. Oh the blissfullness of boys sometimes, completely unaware swept in and pulled me away from sweet temptation.

Those BASTARDS.

Posted: March 26th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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I’m fairly certain I was hit on last night by a husband and wife pair.

I was at a bar late last night. A friend had just left leaving two open seats between myself and a hot Latin guy I know but not well. I was a little annoyed when the couple came in and sat between myself and Senor Caliente as I was hoping to make my move. I turned back to my computer and continued “working”. I noticed the wife making conversation with Senor Caliente and heard the husband join in once or twice. Soon after, he started  up  a conversation with me. Now, I’ve had to deal with my fair share of jealous significant others so I know the signs. I made sure to cast innocent, friendly glances in the direction of the wife, waving the white flag. The husband was the intellectual type, a college professor, so it wasn’t much of a loss anyway. Not hte way I roll. The wife didn’t seem the least bit disturbed; she was much more interested in her conversation with Senor Caliente.

The husband continued to keep the conversation going and it soon became apparent that he was hitting on me, with his wife in the next seat, making no attempts to hide his advances. I wasn’t sure what to make of this and it was getting late so I began to make preparations for my departure, despite his advances and pleas to stay.

Posted: January 19th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Dear Rodrigo,

It seems you were offended by a post containing some personal data. My sincerest apologies. Here at QFZ, we make attempts to keep personal data to a minimum. Clearly an error in editing and I can assure you that the necessary retributions against the responsible party will be carried out.

Nonetheless, let us not lose our heads about it, shall we? The worst thing a human being can do? I can think of far worse crimes: crimes of dismemberment and bodily harm, crimes against innocence, crimes that violate us to the soul of our being. An error in editing is hardly on the scale of such crimes.

As far as your claim of being uncreative, I take this much more seriously. OD and blogging are platforms for people to express themselves in the way they see fit. I support that concept wholeheartedly and am learning to appreciate each person’s unique perspective. I am burdened that my own creative attempt was found lacking by you. I am merely attempting to explore the creative ventures of others, learn from their mistakes and encourage their successes.

I hope you can find it in your heart to accept my apologies. Here at QFZ, we support all the brave souls who put their hearts and egos on the line each time they go out on a blind date or email a PMP. We support you, Rodrigo, and hope that you find the creative soul that aligns perfectly with yours.

Sincerely,
The Queen

Posted: January 14th, 2009 under anarchy.
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So, one could argue that Round 2 of OD wasn’t really a valid attempt. It was kind of a waste of money. Due to lack of effort and commitment, i didn’t go on a single date, nor did i even really care to. This brings up my whole “bad attitude” in regard to the whole OD foray. It was doomed to fail. I’m wondering if perhaps I should give it another attempt. I even had a fleeting though of doing eharmony. Good God I must be getting desperate.

Posted: January 12th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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what to write? I’m off the Online Dating train and can’t say i miss the stress of it. It wasn’t happening last time. Granted I was a little preoccupied with theman of many  ”WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!!”’s (more about him later, he deserves his own space) and didn’t put as much into it as I could have. And to be fair, I was A LOT preoccupied.

Part of me is considering doing it again but we’ll see. For now, we’re going au natural. It’s not really happening. When the above mentioned PMP was around, I was hot like Christina, getting hit on left and right. Also like a one hit wonder, the tables turned pretty quickly. Now only the over 50’s are hitting on me. I think I’m generally disenchanted with all the guys I meet. It’s like they all wear a sign over their head that reads their rap sheet: pothead, drunk, womanizer, asshole, lazy and underachiever etc.

blah!

anyway, aforementioned gentleman.

First off, he was HOT. And super bold and passionate. Which up’s the hot factor exponetially. I mean the whole thing started when he practically attacked me in the bathroom of a bar so what did I expect? But I did actually do my research on him before all this. I checked around on the streets and he came out clean; no drugs, no major issues.

Well, the streets were wrong.

Shall I list them?
-Illegal(this doesn’t bother me, but it would bother the parents).
-not really going anywhere with his life (most likely due to limited options- see above)
-Full blown alchy. Like I’m not sure when I’ve even seen you sober, alchy.
-Cokehead. Um hello? how did i not know about this? major issue.
-and for the deal breaker…..a giant pussy.

To be fair I should also list the attributes that attracted me, aside from being hot and passionate about everything he did.
-He was extremely caring and gentle.
-he had a vulnerable side that shocked me. Sometimes, he looked so “laid bare” in front of me.
-excellent listener, he always paid attention and remembered what i said. Very easy to talk to.
-handled my own freakish behavior very well, was so sweet and understanding despite me leading him on (not sure if I’m really to divulge into this here).
-had an amazing heart

Let me rant on the “giant pussy” issue for a moment. I have no idea why this is so common amongst the men i meet, they all seem so paralyzed and terrified of living itself. This is the reason I think why he couldn’t move past his addictions, he was scared to quit drinking because then he would not have an excuse about not doing anything with himself.

He also pulled the whole “my life is a disaster, i can’t in good conscience drag you into it” line which while is TRUE, is just an excuse. he was scared. I know it. I hate when people pull that line, like they know what i need.

but anyway again, i had to cut him off, stop myself from calling him. I’m still wondering if that was the right decision but i’m going with it being best. nothing was going to change with him and i was just getting myself into trouble. i’m hoping 2009 holds healthier decisions for me. and more action.

Posted: January 3rd, 2009 under Uncategorized.
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Posted: December 13th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
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I can tell how much I like a girl based on how much time I spend getting ready to see her. If I shower, I’m into you… but if I just put on more deodorant, we should probably see other people. I like fun-loving girls who are up for a long sweaty workout, then brunch, then possibly some light bondage. Email me and we’ll set it up. I’d be even more down to meet a girl who wants to do my laundry. I can find sex easily, but finding a girl who will do my wash is hard.

Posted: November 3rd, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 2